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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439948">Until You Return</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123'>Higgles123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders and Tom Hardy Character Headcannons and Alphabets [22]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:02:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfie deals with his emotions in having to send his son to war.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders and Tom Hardy Character Headcannons and Alphabets [22]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Until You Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p1">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Alfie Solomons has witnessed many terrible things in his life. He had done many terrible things in his life. But not one of the single things he had experienced had ever compared to the atrocities he witnessed during the war. The Great War; the war to end all wars. That was what they said, only that had been a great big fat lie. And now Alfie was facing something far worse than he ever imagined. Something far worse than lying in those trenches; cold and wet and praying to the God he wasn’t sure he believed in to let the next barrage spare him. In just a few hours from now he would be waving his only son, his Jacob, goodbye for what could be the last ever time. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Beside him, Ava was snoring quietly after having cried herself to sleep and he wished he could believe all of the words of comfort he had offered her. He wished he could believe that their son would come through this unscathed but Alfie knew differently. Perhaps he might come through it with his life, and perhaps he might come through it with only minor injuries and scars; but he would never come through it with his mind in tact and that was quite possibly what ate Alfie up inside more than anything. The baby who had been born on the bathroom floor, falling into Alfie’s hands in his impatience to enter the world; the toddler who fell up the stairs and split his lip open on his two front teeth; the young boy whose hair was chopped off in great big chunks by his sisters who fancied themselves as hairdressers; the teenager Alfie caught kissing Ollie’s similarly aged daughter in the cupboard under the stairs during a party. Every single moment and milestone played through Alfie’s head like a moving picture and sadness enveloped him at the knowledge his son would never again be that innocent child. His mind would forever be tainted with death and blood and the atrocities of war. Alfie scrubbed a hand over his face wishing he could scrub his own memories away at the same time. Climbing out bed carefully so as not to disturb his wife, who was already grieving the loss of her son in so many ways, Alfie headed down to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. It seemed he wasn’t the only one with that very idea. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“What the fuck you sat in the dark for?” Alfie frowned, turning on the kitchen light. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p3"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Couldn’t sleep,” Jacob looked up and gave Alfie a wry smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Me neither,” Alfie cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">He sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of tea, smirking to Jacob when he put in four sugar cubes because Ava wasn’t there to chastise him and tell him he only needed one instead. The silence was tense, the atmosphere fraught with words that both men didn’t know how to say. In the end, it was Jacob who decided to speak first. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Were you scared?” he murmured quietly. “When you were in the war I mean?” </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Alfie thought for a moment. Should he lie? Should he tell his son not to worry? He wanted to; God knew he wanted to, but sometimes when you love someone you have to tell them the truth even if it’s not the answer they might want. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Sometimes,” he nodded, his voice suddenly croaky. “Quite a lot actually. It’s a strange thing you know cos it ain’t all fightin’ and shootin’ constantly or nothin’ like that. There’s actually an awful lot of waitin’ around in the cold and the wet and doin’ nothin’. Just a lot of waitin’ around for them to attack or for you to attack them. And when the bullets are finally flyin’ and you’re runnin’ and dodgin’ them, you don’t have time to be terrified. Like you know you’re frightened but you can’t let yourself really feel it because all you can focus on is survivin’. Once the fighting’s over and you start to calm down again, that’s when it hits you and that’s when the fear begins. You think about how close a bullet came to you or you look around tryin’ to determine where your mates are and if they’re all ok. But then it’s time to move out again and you can’t spend any longer focusin’ on it.” </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Do you remember the first person you killed?” </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Yeah,” Alfie answered without hesitation. “I remember it clear as day. He weren’t much older than me and he was so close that I had to use my bayonet. I didn’t have time to feel guilty cos there were more of them comin’ behind him but I still think about him now occassionally. He was so close that I could see everythin’ about him; his eyes were two different colours and I remember being so surprised by them that he almost skewered me first. Luckily I quickly regained my senses like. Even now it seems strange to think that I was lucky to have killed someone, but the thing is that if I hadn’t have killed him, it would be me lyin’ in that field now with poppies growin’ on me, wouldn’t it? I was just a boy, far away from home fightin’ for his country and the people he loved, just like that German soldier was. He didn’t deserve to die; he hadn’t done me no harm personally but that’s the way of war, Jacob. It’s ugly and it’s brutal but you do what you can to survive.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“What if I can’t?” Jacob chewed his lip.</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Look at me.” </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p3"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Jacob met Alfie’s eyes and the two men each had their own inner turmoil reflected there. Alfie pushed his aside though in order to help his son. </span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s2">
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“You do whatever it takes, yeah? You do whatever it takes; kill whoever you have to to get back to us, do you hear me?” Alfie’s throat was choked with emotion as he reached out for his son’s hand and squeezed it. “Your morals, your beliefs, your emotions; everythin’ inside of you will be tested but you don’t think about any of that. You think about gettin’ back to me and your mum.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Alfie was crying now; he couldn’t stop the tears that poured down his cheeks anymore than he could stop breathing. He wished more than anything he could take his son’s place and spare him from the hell that awaited him but he couldn’t. As a father he had sworn to do everything in his power to protect his son from any harm but he could do nothing to stop this.</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Don’t cry, Dad,” Jacob’s own bottom lip trembled. “You’re as bad as Mum.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Well that’s fuckin’ brutal of you to say,” Alfie choked out a laugh as he wiped at his face hurriedly. “No more tears from me I promise. Why don’t you go on and get yourself up to bed now, eh? Better get some rest if you wanna be able to deal with your mother’s dramatics in the mornin’.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“Yeah that’s true,” Jacob nodded. “She’ll be cryin’ enough tears for the whole of Camden and then some.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">Despite the bravado Jacob put on, Alfie could see in his boy’s face that he was petrified and he doubted he was going to get any sleep tonight no matter how hard he tried. As they climbed the stairs together, Alfie paused outside Jacob’s room.</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“I don’t wanna do this in front of your Mum cos I know you won’t want me bein’ soppy as well as her, but I want you to have this,” Alfie murmured, undoing the clasp on the Star of David necklace he usually wore tucked beneath his shirt. He leaned forward to fasten it around his son’s neck and pulled him into an embrace at the same time. “You wear this and know that wherever you are and whatever day it is, I’ll be with you. I love you my boy and don’t you ever forget it.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">“I love you too, Dad.”</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">That next morning as Alfie waved his son goodbye and held his wife’s sob wracked body close, he choked back his own tears and prayed to God to protect his son and keep him safe. No parent should ever have to send their child to war and although he was one of thousands, he felt like the only one.</span>
</p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p4"> </p><p class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2p2">
  <span class="yiv2102866799ydpa3afd1f2s1">
    <em>Until you return, my boy, I will keep you safe in my heart where you will stay until God sends you back to me one way or another.</em>
  </span>
</p>
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